Global Entry: Yet Another Advantage to Having Never Been Arrested

My blood boiled as I waited in line for what seemed like an hour to reenter the United States from Spain. I chastised myself and muttered cuss words under my breath for forgetting to register for Global Entry. It was on my to-do list since August, but was ignored for more important things. As I stood behind the yellow line watching the agent fiddle with her broken computer, I vowed to get my Global Entry taken care of before my next international trip. I would wait in line no more.

What is Global Entry?

According to the Global Entry Website, “Global Entry is a U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) program that allows expedited clearance for pre-approved, low-risk travelers upon arrival in the United States. Though intended for frequent international travelers, there is no minimum number of trips necessary to qualify for the program. Participants may enter the United States by using automated kiosks located at select airports.”

A few weeks after being home from Spain, I scheduled about 15 minutes to fill out the Global Entry application. Much like a college application, it took longer than expected. I didn’t have to give a urine specimen, but I feel that the process stopped just short of that. Filling out the questionnaire is certainly faster if you’ve been in the same job and the same home for the last five years.

Whatever.

The time spent on the form was less than I will spend standing in line to get through customs. Once my information was completed to the satisfaction of the computer system, I entered my credit card information. The $100 non-refundable fee would be well worth it in my mind.

Who Qualifies?

Before applying and handing over your $100, you might want to make sure you even qualify for the program. Being a model citizen, I had no doubt that I would. But for some of you delinquents and renegades, here’s what will get you rejected:

• You must have never been convicted of a criminal offense in any country. So that time you tried {and failed} to smuggle Valium across the Mexican border in college? Yeah…don’t bother applying.

• You must have never violated customs, immigration, or agriculture laws. Remember when you tried to bring back that leg of Iberian ham from Spain? Ha!…don’t even think about it.

• You mustn’t give false information on your application. This isn’t like lying on a job application, people. This is the government. It’s not a matter of if they’ll find out. It’s a matter of when they’ll find out.

• You mustn’t be under investigation by and federal, state or local law enforcement agency. Do you have a white kidnapper’s van that never seems to move parked across the street from your house?  Skip the application. You’ll want to keep that $100 to put towards lawyer fees.

 Now I Wait

After pressing “submit” on my application, I was instructed to check back periodically for a response to my application. There would be no confirmation email saying, “Thanks for applying for Global Entry. You’re currently under review.” I also wasn’t going to get an approval email saying, “Congratulations! You’ve been approved and will proceed to the next step of Global Entry freedom.” Nope. It was entirely my responsibility to follow up on the process.

I gave it a little over a week before I attempted to log into my account. I say “attempted” because I had to use some sort of crazy password and couldn’t remember the damn thing. After successfully resetting it, I discovered that my application, indeed, was approved. Yeah, like there was ever any doubt.

Fortunately, there is a Global Entry office in Houston’s Bush Airport and it is open seven days a week. I selected a Saturday afternoon time and printed out my invitation letter. I could already feel the burning looks of envy as I cool-breeze past all the suckers in line at customs.

The Interview

After a thirty-minute drive and a trek across the colossal airport, I found myself at the arrivals gate of Terminal E. Tucked back into the corner was the Global Entry office. With passport, driver’s license, and my invitation letter in hand, I opened the heavy, glass door and marched myself down the sterile hallway until I found the office marked Global Entry. There were two officers interviewing other hopeful candidates and the Texas Tech/West Virgina football game was on TV. Score!

Shortly, Officer Romo approached me. He was all business.

“Do you have an appointment?” he asked.

“Yes”

“What time?”

“4:30,” I answered.

“You’re early. It’s 4:26.”

He cracked a smile and asked for my passport and driver’s license. I was then escorted to a small room to watch a six-minute film on my responsibility in the Trusted Traveler Network. Of course I paid attention; I had no idea if there would be a quiz to follow {there wasn’t}. Once the video was over, I took my place at Officer Romo’s desk. I made myself comfortable in the standard office chair. My legs were crossed and my arms folded neatly in my lap.

“I like the way you sit,” Officer Romo quipped.

I laughed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You sit confidently. Most people are stiff and nervous looking.”

Again I chuckled. “Well, I don’t have anything to be nervous about, do I?”

Officer Romo got a kick out of that and grinned from ear to ear, which quickly turned into a sneer. Starting the line of questioning, he wanted to know why I traveled internationally. I was then quizzed about what I did for my company. He remarked on the visas and stamps in my passport as he flipped through the pages. Satisfied with my answers, Officer Romo then sternly looked at me and asked,

“Have you, at any time, ever been arrested?”

“No”

“Even as a minor? No Drunk and Disorderly? No Minor in Possession? No shoplifting? Are you sure you’ve never had anything expunged from your record?”

“Nope. Sure haven’t.”

I was waiting for a spotlight to shine into my eyes or the waterboarding to commence. I wondered if he did this with everyone or if he simply thought I was some sort of super-secret spy trying to get over on the US Government. I imagine it was the former, but it was exciting to think the latter.

Convinced that I was Global Entry-worthy, Officer Romo scanned my fingerprints. I was approved! My five-year membership was valid, and I could start using it as early as the next day. He told me that they’d mail me a Global Entry card for use at land crossings from Canada and Mexico. I should receive it in a couple of weeks.

Beyond pleased at the speedy and painless process, I gathered my documents and waltzed out of the drab office. For 100 bucks and about two hours of my time, I was never going to have to wait in the customs line at IAH again. Instead, I’ll saunter up to the Global Entry kiosk and scan my passport. Boom!

Oh, and Houston isn’t the only place with Global Entry. Although Bush is my home airport, I don’t always enter the country directly into Houston. Often I’ll come into Newark or Washington DC. Guess what? I’m not standing in line in those places either because they have Global Entry, too. Apparently new airports are being added, but here is the current list:

Global Entry Airports

• Atlanta {ATL}
• Boston {BOS}
• Chicago {ORD}
• Dallas/Ft. Worth {DFW}
• Detroit {DTW}
• Ft. Lauderdale/Hollywood {FLL}
• Houston {IAH}
• Honolulu {HNL}
• Las Vegas {LAS}
• Los Angeles {LAX}
• Miami {MIA}
• Newark {EWR}
• New York {JFK}
• Orlando {MCO and SFB}
• Philadelphia {PHL}
• San Francisco {SFO}
• San Juan {SJU}
• Seattle {SEA}
• Washington {IAD}

I’ll get a chance in December to take this Global Entry for a spin when I return from my Go with Oh European tour in December. I’ll be flying in from Paris and landing at Washington Dulles. With a relatively short connection time to Houston, this Global Entry should speed things along. I can only hope that I’ll never stand in line while muttering cuss words under my breath again…at least in a customs line.

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