I grew up in a small town, like 1,500 small. Everyone knew everyone, along with their business. And if people didn’t know what was really going on then they would just make something up. Rumors, exaggerated truths, and out-and-out lies–such is the life in a small town.Β I believe it was in my youth that I developed my thick skin and independent attitude. If I had to say, I think my give-a-damn broke in eighth grade.
That’s not to say that I don’t care what anyone thinks. Don’t misunderstand. The opinions of those that I care about and/or that I respect are extremely important. All the other noise doesn’t matter. It just rolls off my back. Frankly, I’m glad my give-a-damn is broken. It makes going through life that much easier. Want to know how?
Example #1:Β
In November 2011, Taylor Swift came to Houston. I happen to love Taylor; I think she’s a brilliant writer, incredibly likable, and talented. On Friday afternoon before her Saturday concert, I let my fingers do the walking over to Ticketmaster. I bought one floor seat. BAM! I was going to see Ms. Swift in concert…by myself.
When I told people what I was doing, their first question was, “Ooooo, Taylor Swift? Why?” I wanted to say, “Damnit, because I like her and I want to listen to her sing. Why else does one go to a concert?” I refrained. The second question was, “Who are you going with?” I told them I was going by myself. Looks of pity and horror crossed their faces. You know, like it was soooo awful, that I must not have anyone to go with.
The truth is that I didn’t want to go with anyone. I like to do things by myself. I enjoy going to the movies, dinner, and shopping by myself. And yes, I like to travel by myself, too. It’s fun; I get lost in my thoughts. I don’t have to coordinate schedules or compromise where to eat. I do what I want, when I want. And I certainly don’t give a damn if anyone thinks it’s weird, sad, or crazy.
And just so you know, Taylor’s concert was awesome. I was the only one over the age of 30 without a kid, and I knew all the words to her songs.
Example #2:
I have a co-worker who’s just mad at the world. I’m not really sure what’s up with these kinds of people, but sadly, they exist in great numbers. We’ve all probably known at least one person like this. Grumpy. Bitter. Jealous. Hateful. These words personify my co-worker. It’s enough to make me want to just grab this person by the shoulders and say, “If you’re not happy then leave. You’re not a tree!”
I’ve become the focus of my co-worker’s anger. Keep in mind that we interact with one another maybe once a month. I’ve decided that it’s easier for this person to be mad at me than to look inside at the real problem. Β If my give-a-damn wasn’t broken, this would really bother me. But since it is, I couldn’t give two shits. Pretty convenient, right?
Example #3:
I’m almost 38 years old. I don’t have kids. And guess what? That’s on purpose. I don’t want kids, and I’ve never wanted kids. Period. End of story. Or is it?
Last year I ran into a high school friend’s father at little country store outside of Houston. I hadn’t seen him or my friend since the the day I walked across the graduation stage in 1992. He went on to tell me how his daughter (my friend) was happily married and had three wonderful children. After catching me up, he then asked about my life. The first thing he asked was not where I lived, where I worked, or even if I was married. “Have you any children?” he asked.
This is not an odd question in the slightest. It’s a perfectly normal question, in fact. What is not normal are the responses I get when I let people know that I don’t have children nor want them. I get it. It’s not a conventional path. Women generally want yearn to have kids.
In that country store, standing over a counter filled with kolaches, my friend’s father, a man who I haven’t laid eyes on for TWENTY years, tried to convince me to have children. I’m not kidding! He told me that I’d regret it if I didn’t. He insisted that I wouldn’t have anyone to take care of me when I got old, to which I wanted to say, “Since I’m not having children I’ll be able to afford a private nurse.” This was not just a brief conversation. He talked to me about this for FIFTEEN minutes!Β I suppose I could have taken offense, but I found it humorous more than anything. It was rude and intrusive, but I really couldn’t care less. My give-a-damn is broken, remember?
So what does this rant have to do with travel, you ask? Well, I’m not really sure. I suppose it relates to how I approach life, and travel is a huge part of my life. I do catch some flack from people about my trips. “You’re going on vacation, AGAIN?” Yeah, so what? Why do you care what I’m doing? Why is it any concern of yours how I’m spending my money?
With all that being said, I just continue to live my life in a way that feels genuine to me. I love my family, friends, and dogs. I try to treat people the way I want to be treated. I travel the world because I love the way it makes me feel. I don’t want kids. I rock out to Taylor Swift. And most importantly, I don’t give a damn if others don’t approve.
Janet Grubb Adams via Facebook
May 24, 2012I love this post. Sometime my give a damn’s broken and it feels good. You rock girl.
Leah Travels via Facebook
May 24, 2012Thanks, Janet. I figure everybody’s is broken every know-and-again. Mine seems to be habitually “in the shop” though. π
Raul (ilivetotravel in Twitter)
May 24, 2012Leah, your perspective of life, since I met you here online has been spot on – in my book. This is just one more example of a healthy way to lead one’s life. So many people would be “outraged” about your example(s). Too much “outrage” in this world….
And it is spot-on for me after our phone call. This speaks to me in a great way tonight. THANKS.
Leah Travels
May 25, 2012Hey, Raul, I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I do know what works for me. I’m just going to continue on trying to mind my own business. I’m glad it spoke to you in a positive way.
Francesca
May 24, 2012Girl, I wish you were here so I could give you a hug. Way to speak your mind and stick to your guns. I wrote out a LONG comment and just erased it π Didn’t want to hijack your post. Basically, I agree with everything you’ve said here. Good on ya!
Leah Travels
May 25, 2012Well, now you have me curious as to what you had to say. You’ll have to give me the low-down and that hug in Colorado next month. π
Kristin VanderHey Shaw via Facebook
May 24, 2012Leah, I love that you OWN it. People do the same to me when I tell them I’m only having one child. “What? You can’t do that to him,” some will say. You are who you are!
lola dimarco
May 25, 2012π no matter the choices in life it’s YOUR business and no one else. for me, travel has offered perspective. everyone is different – yet everyone is the same. it makes me embrace the lovely differences knowing that we mostly land at the same place. i’m so overjoyed in my busyness these days that i don’t have a second to think about what anyone else is up to. bad for those i love and adore but for all else judging me…get a f’ing hobby!
xo – yours truly – lola
Leah Travels
May 25, 2012I’m with you, Lola. I’m so wrapped up in managing my own life that I don’t have time to worry about what anyone else is doing. Those that do have the time for that need to get a hobby just as you say! Everyone is different, and if more people would take the time to see and do something new, they’d realize that.
Leah Travels via Facebook
May 25, 2012I love how people feel it’s ok to just give their opinion to something so personal without it being solicited, Kristin. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Waegook Tom
May 25, 2012Great post Leah – I feel the same way a lot of the time too when people question choices that I make. I’d rather be true to myself and be happy than try to conform to what other people expect me to do and turn into a human shell.
Leah Travels
May 25, 2012Two comments in one week, Tom? What have I done to deserve this? π Keep livin’ your life dream, Tom. Whatever that may be….
Murray Lundberg
May 25, 2012Some things are better broken apparently. Life is soooo much easier when your give-a-damn is! And when it comes to travel, while there are times I want to share my experience with my wife, there are many times that I want to go exactly where I want to go, exactly when I want to go there, without any discussion/consultation/negotiation/scheduling. “Where is your wife?” is NOYDB.
Leah Travels
May 25, 2012You simply have me in stitches, Murray. Exactly, NOYDB! I love traveling with my husband, but I also like traveling with my friends and by myself. Who cares? I’m not doing anything that requires secrecy. I have a blog for goodness sakes. You want to know what I’m up to? Read my blog! I could use the extra traffic. LOL!
POla
May 25, 2012Leah – I love the post and the belief behind it: that your life is, well, yours to live. If it’s “unconventional” by some people’s standards, then be it.
Great part about the concert – I’ve gone to many by myself too.
Leah Travels
May 25, 2012I think it’s cool to be independent. I don’t want not having someone to go with me preventing me from doing something I want to do. Now playing doubles tennis might be a problem or riding a tandem bike, but other than that, I can do anything I want to do by myself. Although, some stuff is more fun with a partner. π
@mrsoaroundworld
May 26, 2012Good for you! Life is too short and you need to make The most of it. If you don’t make yourself happy, no one will. I get a bit of hassle about my travels – and you were spot on about how it’s no one’s business how I choose to spend my hard earned cash. I’m very lucky and love what I do – and excited that this little thing we have in common will allow us to meet next week! How amazing is that??
Leah Travels
May 26, 2012I think that’s pretty damn cool, Ana. People think I’m crazy to forge such friendships with people I’ve never met and even crazier to go meet them in person. Here’s to doing things a little bet different than the rest of the world. π
Ana Silva-O'Reilly via Facebook
May 26, 2012Good for you! Life is too short and you need to make The most of it. If you don’t make yourself happy, no one will. I get a bit of hassle about my travels – and you were spot on about how it’s no one’s business how I choose to spend my hard earned cash. I’m very lucky and love what I do – and excited that this little thing we have in common will allow us to meet next week! How amazing is that??
Emily in Chile
May 26, 2012Chileans get very stressed that I do things alone. I eat lunch alone at work 95% of the time because my closest coworkers have different schedules, and I actually enjoy the quiet time with my Kindle in the middle of the day, but everyone feels bad for me. Not to mention the fact that my husband’s schedule means he’s often busy or out of town, and everyone from my friends to my in-laws pities me for having to go to parties alone or eat at home by myself, even when there are obviously plenty of friends at parties, and I can eat the things he doesn’t like when I’m by myself!
Leah Travels
May 26, 2012There certainly are advantages of doing things alone, and I think you nailed them. My husband travels a lot for work, too. I can’t just stop my life until he gets home. Sounds like you’re making the most out of your time in Chile whether you’re alone or surrounded by friends. Good for you, Emily.
Kristin Shaw
May 27, 2012I love this post too, Leah. Our lives may be totally different, but they work for each of us. Anyone who says, “you’re going on vacation AGAIN?” is completely and totally jealous. When I was single without kids, I did exactly what you’re doing now and I don’t regret one trip. More people need to get out of their comfort zone and their region and experience the world, as you’re doing! I love your blog.
Leah Travels
May 27, 2012You are such a sweetheart, Kristin. Thank you for all your kind words and support.
YHA New Zealand via Facebook
May 27, 2012Love the post! And I like to go to concerts alone too!
Suzy
May 27, 2012I don’t know why some people in this world feel the need to tell others what they should be doing. I guess it gives them a sense of power to think you’re strange for going to a Taylor Swift concert or not wanting kids. I tend to live the same way. if I don’t ask for your opinion I don’t want it.
Leah Travels
May 28, 2012Well, let’s be honest, Suzy, I am a bit strange. π Actually, I call myself “normal with a twist”. I like to keep people on their toes. Thanks, as always, for reading.
Leah Travels
May 28, 2012Perhaps we are long lost sisters, Kaylin. LOL! I took a very good friend to John Mayer, but she doesn’t love him like I do. She and I had a good time, but it would have been smarter of me just to go alone. I could have acted a fool and not had any witnesses to my stupidity, at least ones I knew. π Glad to know I’m not the only one that feels this way. And, fist bump right back.
Leah Travels
May 29, 2012Funny how small Southern towns can all look the same, right? And PLEASE, take Tommy Tuberville back! Sincerely, Most Texas Tech Alumni/Fans
Leah Travels
May 29, 2012Yeah, I’d say y’all moved on. Let us know if y’all change your minds.
Shauna Roughley via Facebook
May 29, 2012I love this Leah! You described it perfectly.
Katherine
May 29, 2012I love this post Leah – and I love your honesty. I’m in a very similar situation. I LOVE doing things on my own and still on the fence re the kids thing – yet it amazes me that people think they have the right to comment and try and force your decisions on your life. I love going to the cinema on my own though as for some reason most of my friends feel the urge to chat or comment through most of the movie and it drives me NUTS! lol. Great to be able to have ‘me’ time as I still find it hard sometimes living in the ‘us’ time 24/7.
Leah Travels
May 29, 2012Oh, I HATE it when people talk even during the previews of a movie. It drives me crazy and I usually move. I won’t go to a movie at a normal time. It’s usually on a Tuesday morning at 10 am. LOL…I’m glad to know I’m not the only nutty one. π
Sophie HeadingThere
June 8, 2012Leah! What a great post to read on this gloomy Friday morning in England. Laughing out loud in my kitchen. Good for you, that’s what I say. Many of my friends have had children now and can’t understand why I don’t want them. Someone once told me that having a child gives your life true meaning…I told them that my life has plenty of meaning already! On the whole, I try not to give a damn what other people think, and will definitely remember your post for encouragement! π
Micki
June 12, 2012Love this. My give a damn’s been broken for years, too.
Personally, I think that you get flack because people are threatened by your choices. In being independent and strong, you’re bringing it to their attention that they are not those things.
Leah Travels
June 12, 2012Ohhh…Micki, I like your rationale. The other alternative is that I’m totally crazy. We’ll go with your theory, OK? Here’s to broken give-a-damns!
asixpackofstories
June 24, 2012I LOVE this post. My give-a-damn was not broken for far too long. It is now sufficiently broken and life is SO much better.
Leah Travels
June 25, 2012Good for you! It certainly makes getting through life a little easier when you’re not sweating the small stuff, as they say. π
Ayngelina
July 23, 2012I also grew up in a really small town – 5000 people. It’s so weird to go back and much easier for me to be in Toronto where people would go to concerts alone.
Leah Travels
July 25, 2012I know what you mean about it being weird to go back. My 20th class reunion is this year and I’m very much debating whether I’ll go or not. The main issue is time, but there’s also that strange factor.
Liz
March 10, 2016It’s official. I love you. I found your site while looking for validation of my hatred of cruises because you simply can’t complain to people that you’re expected to go on yet another cruises paid for by well-intentioned loving family members. I can’t complain to people IRL, I will see if the internet is complaining for me. And fortunately it was. You were. I could relate to every single point you made x1,000,0000. So I clicked around and found this post. Yet again, all I have to say is preach sister. Exploring on my own? Check. 37 and childless on purpose? Check. Laughing in the face of other people’s confusion and mis-guided pitty or discomfort? Check and check. Keep writing sister, you made my day π
Leah Walker
March 11, 2016Oh, no, YOU made my day! I forgot I even wrote this post. Your comment got me to go back and read it. I still stand by every word I wrote, and I’m glad you could relate on this and my cruise post. I’m happy that you found my site. π
Marsha Byers
July 27, 2023I love this! I live a very different life that I adore, BUT I love living vicariously through your Instagram posts! You are a true Texan. My oldest daughter is probably going to follow your path in a way. I know she is going to be ok. Thank you!
Barbara Ridilla
July 27, 2023I feel itβs everyone choice, to have kids. Love following you & your travels πππ